The Surrendered Wife Review - Changed My Life

>> Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The book I am reviewing today is, The Surrendered Wife: A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion and Peace with Your Man by Laura Doyle.

I came across this book as a fluke. I was researching a different title I'd heard about on Focus on the Family and was directed to The Surrendered Wife. First let me share some quotes about the book from editorials, reviewers and the author, to give you an idea what this is all about.

The underlying principle of The Surrendered Wife is simple: The control women wield at work and with children must be left at the front door of any marriage. -
Laura Doyle

Many women will find such advice archaic and offensive; some will simply laugh off this credential-free anachronism when they receive the book as a bridal-shower gag gift. Still others, identifying with Doyle's profile of a controlling wife, will be curious enough to dabble in her proposed art of "surrendering." - Liane Thomas

I was skeptical about this book, but decided to give it a try. To say I was pleasantly surprised is an understatement. This book changed my life!

A little background information is probably important. My mom completely emasculated my dad. She was borderline verbally abusive and as kids, we were taught that even the dog came before my Dad in terms of respect.

Now, my mom is an AMAZING women and my dad is pretty great too. They were wonderful parents despite their deficiencies. I grew up pretty emotionally stable, knowing that I never wanted to do that to my husband. Keep in mind, my mother never intended to do it either. I majored in psychology, read a lot of books and dated my husband for three years before getting married.

Now, I know its time to say that despite my efforts, I still became on ogre. Well, that's not even close to true. I tried my hardest to show my husband respect. Something did not seem right though. After 2 1/2 years, I knew our marriage was not as good as it could be and it was me. I had become a nag. I had to stop it, couldn't afford therapy. This book became my solution.

While many of the wonderful books I read (especially Christian based books) pounded down the point that respect is key to a husband, they never taught me how to properly show respect (and I had no idea).

To be fair, some of them gave tips or tricks, but never rules or guidelines. That is what The Surrendered Wife provided. It told me how to respect my husband and through that respect myself.

The writing style is not my favorite. I hate to say it, but it's just very simple and some of it is a bit repetitious. It is definitely readable though, and the pearls of wisdom are more than worth the less than A+ style. It is also well organized.

Another thumbs down - this book is extremely controversial. As much as it changed my life, I would be hesitant to share it with people in my life without a huge warning tag on it. "Try not to get offended" "You don't have to do everything in the book." "Have an OPEN mind."

Honestly, there is not much to be offended by in it, but us women flinch at the word submit, so imagine the reaction at surrender.

**Also different Amazon reviewers noted that this book is really only great for the controllers out there. It is not as amazing for everyone else. I was a borderline controller though (that didn't even know it), so I can only give my personal opinion.

Oooh la la, I could rave for hours. This book helped me realize:

- Intimacy is more important than always being right
- I don't have to take care of everything, my husband can and should be doing certain things.
- Trusting my husband is easier than trying to do everything myself.
- I should state what I want, instead of hinting at it.
- I need to make sure to take care of myself. That will relieve frustration.
- Invisible duct tape is really important in avoiding arguments.
- If my husband says something mean, just say "ouch" instead of fighting back.
- If my husband is in a bad mood, do NOT keep asking him why. Either let him figure it out or come to me.

etc. etc. etc. Since I read the book two or three weeks ago, my life has really changed. My husband takes care of all the money, does the dishes and started sharing food making responsibility. I feel a lot less responsibility since I don't do the money and less accountability (since I get my allowance in cash) and he has the ability to treat me like a princess.

I haven't been perfect at this method. But, I feel like all the arguments and stuff come back when I slip up.

**Many readers on Amazon said they liked a lot of surrendering principles, but chose which ones they wanted to practice. Not everyone wanted to give up money handling and they still said the book was valuable to them.

{ BUY IT }
Buy a signed copy of The Surrendered Wife for $15, go to the official website here. If you want to purchase a used copy or a new copy from Amazon, use this link.

**At Amazon, you can also look inside the book. Happy Reading!!

:::::WARNING:::: This book is not meant for wives whose husbands are physically abusive, involved in infidelity or active addictions. Do not buy this book, if this the case.


Mrs. Sanchez February 24, 2010 at 11:25 AM  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mayra, mommy to Pooh Bear February 24, 2010 at 12:38 PM  

Thanks for following. =)

Following you back from MBC.

Mary512 February 27, 2010 at 4:27 PM  

This book looks like a great read, thanks for the awesome review!

Mary S
512 Kidz blog

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